you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
