dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
