My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
