Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
