I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
