I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
