I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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