Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
