I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
