Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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