We named our party play list daddy issues
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
