Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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