God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
