I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
We left the knife in your bed.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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