Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Girls should come with a carfax report
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Randomize
