My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just high enough for therapy.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
