my phone needs a breathalizer
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
