I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Randomize