She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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