so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Randomize
