Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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