and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Terrible idea I love it
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize