I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
