Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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