A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
