You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize