So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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