There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
