you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
