We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
