i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
how drunk are you?
Several
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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