Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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