I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
