my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
