so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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