it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
