hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
