Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
