who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Church boner. Awkwardddd
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
