I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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