It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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