final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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