He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
