at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
