Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
