your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
my sisters under your porch take her home
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm just crazy horny about you
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize