Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
