Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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