I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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