my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
