VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
