just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
