so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
