My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
