Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
