I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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