Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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