why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
