Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
