Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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