I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
