70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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