Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
