Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
