why didn't you poke me back
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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