can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
