After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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